Like most North Americans of his generation, [Austin] tends to know way less about why he feels certain ways about the objects and pursuits he’s devoted to than he does about the objects and pursuits themselves. It’s hard to say for sure whether this is even exceptionally bad, this tendency.
David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest
This is not a secret: I THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT. This is a secret: I ate three of my room mate's chicken nuggets without asking, but she left for the weekend and I didn't want them to go bad.
I forgive you for your actions. Actually, I take that back. I support your actions fully.
You know, I tend to say that I think too much. But what I should be saying in these instances is that I don’t give enough time to each thought before moving to the next. Rather than saying that my mind is moving a million miles a minute, I should be saying that my mind is moving at a more rapid rate than my body could ever dream of, no matter how fast I can run a marathon (which hopefully, someday, will be a Boston Marathon qualifying time).
What I should be saying is that it’s okay not to know what I’m doing or where I’m going because I AM doing things AND going places. It goes without saying that there are many snags in my plan. I mean, how can you plan your future when you don’t know what tomorrow brings? The best you can do is try your best and be malleable when you need to be.
I’m having a hard time letting things work themselves out for grad school next fall. Jumping the gun and worrying about each part of the preparation process is exhausting and I really just need to sit back and enjoy the ride.
You want to know the best and worst part about this whole journey so far? I almost didn’t send in my application. I almost gave up before I even completed the darned thing. I also didn’t have anyone proofread anything, which was a mistake on my part, but at least it was a lucky one.
In tandem with these worries, I am
And that line above is where I abruptly stopped writing. I have about 70 of these failed blog posts. Maybe I can make a separate blog for all of my unfinished thoughts.